Douche on the Street #17 - Occupy

You were stopped with a group of friends for trespassing on the train bridge. It now sports the slogan "Occupy Peterborough" on the girders. That's neither here nor there but a subtle observation I may wish to reference in the future so I'm just noting it here as the incident happened right there. Anyway, one girl asked the officer when the footbridge adjacent to the train bridge would be fixed. I didn't hear his answer though from the story the DJ on the radio told of the same thing happening to him, I'd say his answer was along the lines of "I don't know. You'll have to ask the city. There is no time line for fixing it."

Now, this seems reasonable enough. It's not the answer I want to hear as I travel that path several days a week. But I give the officer credit for being honest and giving the answer that he knew.

And then the douche of the day chimes in - a teenage companion to the girl who asked - and spouts off: Fictional entities cannot own property!

I assure you that neither the City of Peterborough nor the Canadian Pacific Railway are fictional entities. And while the City of Peterborough probably only owns a few dozen square kilometers of parkland, CPR owns 22,500km of track. In admittedly somewhat cyclical logic, such facts quickly refute your ill-conceived claim. Because you open your mouth before thinking like so many self-important spoiled brats with too much time and money and too little education about how the real world works and because you have no respect for the boys in blue, you are a teenage douchebag.

Douche on the Street #16 - A Christmas Miracle

Yesterday you wandered into my unlicensed establishment at 7am as schlossed as Schlegel. You plopped down and pulled a tallboy out of your pocket and stashed it on the chair under the table hoping we wouldn't notice. We noticed and you were evicted. Not without you spraying some toxic breath and words across the counter, crying that the hot coffee had burned your tongue. Too bad someone already tried that one and now every cup comes with protection: a disclaimer. The police stopped by to call upon you but missed you. Perhaps another time. A little later you came back wanting the $200 in fifties you left there earlier. Problem was, you didn't leave them. We certainly would have returned them to get rid of you if we had had them. The police tried again but you are a slippery one, Mr Grinch.

This morning you stopped to enjoy the wonders of nature bailed up in netting and propped against a churchyard fence. You enjoyed that tree so much, you plucked it right from the ground, balanced it on your shoulder and walked away. This time the police caught you. Because you chose to celebrate the birth of Christ by stealing a tree from under the very eyes of a baby Jesus (you made him cry), you are a douche.

It's All About the Size of a Man's...

...lens.

I recently purchased myself a new camera. A Canon Rebel EOS T1i (or 500) to be exact. It's a pretty little thing, all black with rubber thumb grips and removable 18-55m lens. I pretend not to show it off by taking it with me everywhere I go. Ostensibly I need to have it ready in a split second to get those amazing shots. But really, I'm showing it off. When it was just the 18-55mm lens, people were greatly impressed by it. And truly, it does take some very crisp looking photos. But when I got the 75-300mm lens... well, look out! It's the equivalent to having a tripod for a lower torso. I don't want to brag but... mine is bigger than yours.

Banana Peel Slip-Up

A few weeks back I heard a partial story on the radio through the din of my workplace that involved an arrest for assault, a banana, lynchmob justice and a hockey game. To which I thought to myself "what the hell?"

So I went home and looked it up. (Wonderful thing, the Internet. Can't figure out why it's capitalized though). Anyway, it turns out - if you didn't read the link - a guy threw a banana peel on the ice at an NHL pre-season (I'm going to call it "preason") game during the final OT shootout. The player he happened to throw it at was black. This led to the giant uproar that followed and the lynchmob suing for his hanging (the thrower, not the player. See the irony?).

To which I thought to myself "what the hell?" People have been throwing stuff on the ice for decades. It's tradition in some places. Hats for hat tricks. Squids in some places (how do you sneak a squid in through security?). I remember a dead fish incident last year. So the guy throws a banana. Big deal. Sure it's stupid. It's stupid to throw anything on the ice. But how is it racist? Just because the player is black? It wasn't mentioned in any of the versions of the story I read just why this was supposed to be a racist incident. Arguably the journalist were simply painting a picture and people were supplying their own interpretations. On the other hand, maybe they were just mollycoddling. It finally dawned on me the connection others were making. The player was black. The guy threw a banana. Ergo, the guy was insinuating the player was a monkey because monkeys (and why not monkies?) like bananas. A hundred years ago I could see this flying. But today? I'm proud to say I didn't get the reference without some considerable thought, even with some historical knowledge in these matters. I suppose some might think me slow in this regard. I think it just means I'm not racist. In fact, I think it's all these other people that jumped on the story who may have some deep seated racism that they would rather not think about. Maybe that interpretation is a little Freudian but Freud did have a few sound theories.

It's not mentioned in the link that the thrower was caught but he was and claimed it was not racially motivated. He was simply acting hastily on behalf of the other team. I'm inclined to believe him. Sometimes a banana is just a banana.

Dear Mr. Harper

Dear Mr. Harper,
A measure of a society is the number of prisons and prisoners it contains. Increasing the number of prisons does not necessarily make you look better.

Sincerely,
Canadians.

Occupy Your Mind

It's been a little over a year since I've last blogged much of anything. The last thing I blogged about was my disgust with the G-8 and G-20 summits in Toronto. This time, I'm going to maybe admit that maybe I was wrong. Maybe. You see, back then I espoused my distaste for the rioting and violence perpetrated during those protests. I had said that a peaceful approach would get you further in this day and age. Now I'm not so sure.

Just like back the, I'm not really sure what this whole Occupy Wall Street is all about. But no one else seems to know either. It all started back in September in New York with a fairly large showing of people on Wall Street peacefully protesting... something. It wasn't covered much by mainstream media and I recall a few friends following the thing via other modes of communication, questioning why the major media sources were not following it. I have to admit, this question still bothers me. I have yet to hear an answer. The best I can say is: no one knows what the hell is going on.

It seems like everyone is out there to protest something different. For some it's corporate or political greed and incompetence. For others it's jobs. For some it's health care. For others it's redistribution of wealth. Generally it just seems to be discontent with the way society has molded itself. But... rather than blame itself, society is blaming the corporations and politicians. Now, as a minimum wage slave, I'll be the first to tell you that I work much harder than some of my corporate handlers for much less money and Marxist-Leninist teachings would indicate that I ought to be compensated more for more efforts than those handlers. On the other hand, this is a capitalist society. If I get paid more, people buy less. People buy less, the company makes less. The company makes less, it stagnates, can't afford to research and develop new products, loses its market share, goes bankrupt and ultimately puts me out of a job. This, as you may have guessed, does me no favours in the long run. Arguably, the president of the company makes much more than he's worth and his salary could be capped to redistribute the wealth. Sure there is some value to this idea but not a lot. If he gets paid less, he has less interest in doing his job, the company goes down, so on and so forth. Secondly, many of the overpaid CEOs of the world actually donate large portions of their wealth. Thirdly, some people are just lucky, having obtained those jobs less on merit and ability and more by favouritism and family.

Really, the ones to blame here aren't the CEOs, politicians and corporations aren't to blame. Consumers are. If you don't like what they're doing with your money, if you don't like that you don't have enough money to spend on whatever they're selling you as the latest must-have gadget or good or service, don't buy crap. You don't need an iPad. You don't need and iPod. You don't need an iMac or and iPhone. (Hmm, there's a trend there). You don't need a Jaguar or an XBox or a sixpack a day energy drink habit. You're just being suckered. Think about the relationship between your work and your money. It's probably not the ratio you would like but it's probably close to what it should be. At least, that's the free market theory. After years of bitching about my money, I've come to realize, I've got it pretty good with what little I have and I could have it a whole lot worse.

So I see those thousands of people marching the streets peacefully around the world now and I wonder just what they want. They claim they are the 99% - I suspect erroneously. But do they expect the rich to really care? Because they don't. I'm sorry, but they don't. They just don't. As long as you continue to buy their crap and work for a pittance, they don't care if you protest until the end of the earth. This movement needs a better direction. It needs a leader and it needs a cohesive force.

I have my suspicions that the hacker group Anonymous has some role in this. I seem to recall them making some claim that stage two would take place in November, whatever that means. There are definitely links with people wearing Guy Fawkes masks and claiming their 99th percentile much as the hackers do. But like the hackers, the protestors seem to be better at identifying problems than at making changes.

Because here's the thing. And here's where I say I might have been wrong last year. It's nice that people are making this a peaceful protest. But that's probably not going to cut it anymore. Throughout history, there have been revolutions. Many of them over money. But if you want to take someone else's money, you're going to have to pry it out their cold dead hand.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not siding with the rich. I'm not defending them. What I'm doing is blaming you and me. It's our complaisance that got us here. It's our lack of education. It's our fault. And if we want to change it now, we're going to have take some pretty severe action. Frankly, I think this occupation is pointless and stupid. But I hope it's a beginning. I hope it's the start of something bigger. I hope people start thinking and taking action. I hope. And I fear.

Undouche on the Street #3

It was pouring rain and I had eight kilos of dog food slung over my shoulder that I had been carrying across town. The bag was getting wet and threatening to spill its contents all over the road. A red car pulled up beside me and stopped in the middle of the busy street. I thought they were going to ask directions as the window rolled down. I peered in through my water streaked glasses at an older woman driving and a younger woman I fancied was her daughter in the passenger seat.

The driver asked "Do you need a ride?"

I was elated but crestfallen. "No, thanks. I'm actually just going across the street." I had made it home already, I only needed to cross the street and pass through the fence.

They drove off with my thanks. Because you took a risk in offering a stranger - a male stranger who is typically derided as being "creepy" - a ride in your car which would have gotten soaking wet and possibly covered in dog food, you revived my faith in humanity. For that, you are an undouche. Congratulations.