Screw You, Earth!

"Demand action on climate change by joining the largest environmental movement in history. It's as easy as turning off the lights."

1. Demand action of whom? Let's face it, while you and I may turn out the lights for an hour and large companies may make a goodwill gesture of dropping production quotas in their factories for a little while, things will go back to normal at 9:30. No one is held accountable for the energy used today or tomorrow or the next day. Ultimately, my power usage is negligible compared to General Electric's but I'm pretty sure they probably try use as little as possible already since they do have to pay for it.

2. This is not an environmental movement. This is an action. "Save the Trees" is a movement. This is like taking an after dinner nap. You turn the lights out while you're at home during daylight hours, while you're off at work and while you're asleep at night. Your lights are off probably twenty of twenty four hours a day. Extending that by an hour is not a movement.

3. It's as easy as turning off the lights. That's a little too easy. Why? Because turning out the lights does almost nothing. You know how much power it takes to use a light bulb for an hour? Nothing. And why is it that easy? Because even the pot smoking organizers of this little affair realized it would be a lot easier to con people out of an hour of light than to screw them out of their iPods and laptops and TVs.

4. The DJ on the radio this afternoon asked people what they were doing for Earth Hour. One caller said she had all her batteries charged and flashlights and candles ready to go. Already she's defeated the purpose of not using energy.

5. The concept of Earth Hour is to raise awareness of power usage. WE ALL KNOW WE NEED TO CUT OUR POWER USAGE. But we don't do it. Because it's inconvenient.

I remember back in August of 2003, there was a blackout across the eastern seaboard. For the first time I had seen a town completely in the dark. Granted, it was a small town and a friendly sort of place - not the kind of place that would have rioting and looting just because the power was out. But I walked those streets and heard the muffled voices of couples on their porches, hidden in the shadows and muted by the weight of darkness. Candles flickered in windows and steak sizzled on barbecues. The heat permeated everything.

It's not that Earth Hour is a bad idea. It's just a half assed idea. Make it a day long. Make it every week. But one hour a year.... Hold your breath for two seconds and see if the lack of oxygen gives you brain damage.

Happy Birthday Broderick

This guy is Ferris Bueller. Ferris Bueller turns 48 today. And he still looks like this picture taken at around age 22.

A Gentleman of Verona

My first watercolour in... oh... fourteen years. Surprisingly not that bad. I mean, given that it was my first watercolour in fourteen years. It's based on the picture I took in Verona that you can see in the top picture.

As an aside, can you guess where the hostel is? (Hint: hostels are always at the top of large hills).

As another aside, the recent series of paintings I've published here are my first every attempt at using canvas, so it's a learning experience. Not that my paper work is any better.

Untruth in Advertising - Nice and Easy

Dear Clairol,

"Shine" is not a colour.

Foxx vs. Babies

Babies eat, sleep and shit. Foxx eats, sleeps and shits. Babies make cute gurgling noises. Foxx can engage you in deep thought provoking and entertaining conversation. Babies do nothing else. Foxx can answer questions, run (albeit not very quickly), make jokes, make silly faces, and has a number of talents that can be exploited. Babies command much more fuss from women than Foxx. Conclusion: women want a gibbering idiot that's cute. Victory: babies.

Not Even Close to Alice

I'll preface this by saying, as a companion piece to Alice in Wonderland, Alice in Wonderland is complete shite. As a stand alone film, it's... ok... I guess. I should also say that I am a fan of the book. And that the movie is NOT an adaptation of the book.

The movie picks up something like thirteen years after the events of the book. Most of the characters make a return and many of the events of the book are re-enacted with the flimsy cover of "you'd think she would remember this from the first time around." The acting is somewhat bland, even Johnny Depp. In many scenes, the extravagant characters like the Mad Hatter and the Red Queen are overshadowed by the CGI White Rabbit and the caterpillar. Visually, it is... artful. Not really my cup of tea. But it's a Tim Burton film and you get about what you'd expect from a Tim Burton film. It's dark. It's fantastical. It's a little dreary. It's puts too much emphasis on the appearance of the characters to carry it forward and not enough on the character of the characters. This is not the Disney cartoon of decades ago. If you're a fan of the book, that cartoon is probably much more in your line.

And I suppose that is my issue with this movie. The book had no real direction but was always moving. It was a whimsical tale made up on the spot to entertain a child and became ingrained in the public consciousness for its combination of logic and absurdity. None of that, nor Carroll's wit or word play survive to make it onto celluloid. Or whatever they use these days. The many in-depth interpretations of his work that make the book so (re)readable are nonexistent in the film.

I felt a little bad for the fan girls who showed up in Cheshire Cat costumes and Mad Hatter outfits. Anyone that much into the story of Alice - those willing to dress up as the characters and walk around in public - must have been sorely disappointed. And those that weren't are just a bunch of posers.

Undouche #2

Ringo Starr. Ok, so his little episode with an autograph hunting old lady a few months back aside, he was a Beatle. And he doesn't get enough play. Some say he was the least talented Beatle. Maybe. But I've played the Rockband: The Beatles game and he's sure as hell a better drummer than I am. He's got a better voice than me. He wrote some of their most popular songs. Were you a Beatle? No. Neither were the six billion other people in the world (unless you happen to be Ringo or Paul, in which case you'll have to excuse me for a minute while I shout "Holy shit! A Beatle is reading my blog!" even though I'm aware they are no longer Beatles and they have both moved on to do other things yadayadayada). Cut the man some slack. I tip my hat to you, Ringo. You are truly an undouche.

Douche on the Street #14 - You Voted For Him (x2)

One assumes Mr. Dressup or The Friendly Giant could have won a majority but they weren't in the running (and are dead) so we're stuck with Mr. Stephen Harper. While I suppose he's had this coming for awhile, it's his recent actions which has brought him to the forefront tonight. Under Harper's supervision, a change is proposed to the Canadian national anthem, "Oh, Canada." Just because Minister Tony Clement got a letter from a crusty coot of a constituent claiming the song wasn't gender neutral enough. You know what, I'm going to go out on a limb here and actually agree. It's not. It clearly says "sons' command" and not "childrens'" or "sons' and daughters' command." Now to climb back down the tree - I don't care. Nor does anybody else. The song is over a hundred years old. Women couldn't vote back when it was written. But it seems fairly evident the intent of the writer (whichever it was, more on that in a bit) was that it should be inclusive of all of Canada's citizens. Women just didn't happen to be citizens then. Maybe this change is seventy years too late. Maybe it's just too late, period. If you're going to change anything, maybe leave God out of it.

As an aside, it's not like changing the song is anything new. It has gone through a number of changes in the last century. It started out - if I recall - as an instrumental, picked up some French lyrics along the way, got translated to English, had some words changed, had some more words changed, changed a few more words and then got split into various horrible versions to be played every morning over my high school PA system. So I'm not really for or against changing the lyrics because I think it's a silly song and a silly idea to pledge allegiance to a piece of dirt. And now back to pointing fingers.

Mr Harper. In this, your... second term?, you've thrown caution to the wind and forgotten your accountability to the people that employ you. You've prorogued parliament twice. You've evaded questions about the your party's role in the torture of prisoners of war, you've let foreign relations go to hell in a hand basket and then let the hand basket burn up in a sulfurous spate of smoke, attacked your opposition on grounds of corruption and then have the light turned on you, botch the handling of a flu pandemic, and watch the country slide into economic recession along with the rest of the world and pat yourself on the back when it wasn't as bad as it could have been because of economic policies put in place by your predecessors of the redder variety. Then you cast out a few meaningless apologies for things you didn't do, take a paid vacation so you could go watch the Olympics and try to evade accountability by throwing this anthem issue on the bonfire of your ministry. Has it occurred to you, Mr Harper, that you are meant both to guide the country as well as represent it's wishes? In a speech made long ago, before you were king, you showed an inkling of this knowledge. Now some would say, even back then you hated this country and had no right to lead. I disagree. I think back then you knew something more. You sought a better Canada. You wanted to take what you heard the people saying and transform that vision into a reality. Sadly, you were listening to the wrong people - a minority of rich people - instead of the majority of work-a-day schlubs like myself. But your heart was in the right place if not your mind or your tongue. I think I see what you were trying to say way back then. I really do. But then power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. You've led us over a cliff and at the bottom of the cliff was a minefield. Instead of getting us to step carefully, you sing loud and proud and change the lyrics so we don't mind the explosions being set off on either side of us. But you're not singing loudly enough. We still hear the wreckage of our national pride whizzing past our ears.

I don't even know how to wrap this one up. For all the lies... Because you can't... For faking left and going far right... Apologies are empty... Bent over a table... You're just a big fucking douche.

I owe a few caveats to this rant. It's inane to blame Mr Harper for all of Canada's woes or even to think that Canada has a whole lot of woes to begin with. The government is a machine with a million cogs just like a clock or a corporation. The machine does what it was built to do. No one part controls the whole; the spring only works when it is wound.

The leader of the committee to investigate the changing of the lyrics of "Oh, Canada" is none other than my current MP, the honourable Dean del Mastro. When not out vacationing from his job in Ottawa, he likes to sell used cars in Peterborough. Yes, he's a used car salesman. Need I say more?

The article linked makes it seem like it's just one cranky broad in a country of thirty three million who has a problem. Surely it's more than just her. Surely...

Mr. Ignatieff, the opposition, stupidly has no issue with changing the lyrics. But decides to use this as a springboard for delving into women's rights - or more accurately, to blame the Conservatives for not delving into women's rights. When driving, keep your eyes where you want to go, Mr Ignatieff, and don't stare at the oncoming traffic. It's sure to end ugly.

We are all entitled to our own opinion. But I don't really want to hear anyone complain who voted for the Conservatives. Because really, you got what you asked for.

I didn't accuse Mr Harper of failing to tackle other issues like poverty, or debt because, quite frankly, I don't have answers to those issues, either. One thing at a time.

Random Thought #12

Why does everything I eat contain 2% of my daily iron requirement?

Lego, Lego Man, I Want To Be a Lego Man

Thought I'd Share This With You

This comes from a site Tabi was reading today and that I was previously unaware of. I have little to say about the site or it's contents but this post struck me.

"Today I stuck may hand in my coat pocket and found a 5 dollar bill wrapped around a note. The note read 'you have just been reverse-pick-pocketed. Enjoy the five dollars, and know that it was forcibly received by your pocket. Take that, society!' MMT" - #4513(5), Feb 4, 2010, genevievegrace.

I don't know whether it's true or not or the circumstances surrounding it. For all I know, it was the woman's boyfriend that slipped it in there. But regardless, I'm in love with the fact that someone was thinking like this.

http://www.makesmethink.com/ if you want more.

Undouche #1

I suppose I should balance out a little bit of my cynicism with some optimism and shine a light on that which is beautiful and bright in the world.

For the past three Tuesdays I have been taking my dog, Lily, to obedience training. It's a bit of a hike to make in the winter so we take the bus. Each of those three weeks, one or another of the fifty or so year old ladies also there with their dogs has inquired about the carrier I bring Lily in (the bus line demands it). Though neither of us minds taking the bus, waiting around in the chilly weather for the bus to pick us up is a little daunting. And so, I accepted the several offers. So, to you ladies, who advance an offer to a young man generally regarded as a little creepy, I thank you. You are truly undouches.