2009 Douchies!

We are now accepting open nominations for the 2009 Douchie Awards. To nominate your favourite douchebag this year, please send me a letter, e-mail, phone call, text, facebook message or personalized memo describing the person and the particular event that made you realize they are a douchebag. The top five or so nominees will get a write up spotlighted in my blog. A winner will be chosen sometime in December. The winner will recieve absolutely nothing but my complete lack of respect for being such a total douchebag. Maybe I'll rig up some kind of gold spraypainted douchebag plaque or something. Don't push me. This is just a spur of the moment idea. I'll get around to it.

Your nominees should be one or more of the following:Egotistical, disrespectful, drunk, have an IQ of less than cheese, racist, sexist, bigoted, famous, hypocritical, self-absorbed or any other reason you can think of.

Include a photo if you can.

This is not a joke. Well, it is a joke but I'm asking seriously for your input. Check out http://foxxwilder.blogspot.com/ and click the "Douche on the Street" label on the left side for an idea of what I'm looking for. Feel free to have your friends nominate people as well. And hope they don't nominate you. And you can't nominate me.

SNAFU

Situation critical.
Negotiations failed, peace talks cancelled.
One too many incidents.
Flashpoint.
Uprising. Revolution.
Something new and hidden and dark boils to the surface
and we wonder how the surveillence satellites didn't pick this up
after all these years.
Of course, you realize, this means war.
And the door slams behind you.

Random Thought #6

What circumstances can life throw at you that would require you to do online banking in a rowboat?

Random Thought #5

Be nice to your high school AV geeks. Someday they'll be the roadies to your favourite band.

Random Thought #4 - Etiquet

If I can put the seat down, why can't you flush?

Random Writing #4 - Piece of Heaven on Earth

In the middle of this white brick and plastic siding upscale suburb a godly halo of light shines down on this ungodly earth. In a sunken lot on the edge of town between two new cookie cutter houses runs a creek shored up on either side by a rabble of rubble, clean rock fill and long grass. Mounting the banks are wild baby’s breath, Scottish thistle, goldenrod and a bloom of tiny yellow buttercups on the far side. The creek, just a trickle, really, is traversed by a dilapidated and rotting wooden post fence held together by mangled rusty wires which is connected to a modern white glazed chain link barrier on either side. In the distance a weary looking red barn sags against its own weight, looking for all the world in need of a place to lie down and die peacefully. In between and on the horizon, fallow fields wave in the afternoon breeze with ripples of delight, playing a game of tag with itself under the watchful eye of the sky. Cliffs of pine and maple and oak climb up out of the ground to keep the fields from straying too far from home.

It seems a portal to another time and another place. I glance over my shoulder at the private drive guarded by gates and brick barriers and the slickly treated baseball diamond lawns and take a step forward.

Douche on the Street #12

Yet another one from the celebrity files.

Though I can't find the quote itself and can't remember exactly which member said it, the whole band will win this one by way of association. It was either Jimmy Page or Robert Plant a few weeks back that said Led Zepplin will never allow either Rock Band or Guitar Hero to make a game based on their library. The reason went something along the lines of "no one could ever reproduce our muusical genius." Now, first of all, no one is going to reproduce your so-called genius. The music in the game will come directly from your master recordings. The ones you made. Your music. Not reproduced. Produced by you. Secondly, if you were referring to your own fans as inept musicians (which surely most of them are), you alienate your income base. Thirdly, if you were referring to your own fans, who cares? You don't have to listen to them playing at home and there are already plenty of hacks playing Stairway on Youtube.

For having more ego than your music demands, you are all a bunch of douchebags.

Douche on the Street #11

I think this one pretty much speaks for itself. But as I'm trying to be a writer, you'll have to put up with me while I speak for it anyway. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVibsTv0NHo

In the middle of her acceptance speech - the very first one she ever gets to make - , you climb up on stage and interupt her, stealing the mic and claiming "I'ma let you finish" but not letting her finish and instead, using someone else's spotlight to advance your own hidden agenda. You tout the merits of another nominee, Beyonce, as having "one of the best videos ever." While the poor young woman stands there mortified by your complete lack acceptable behaviour, you make an ass of yourself by promoting a video that sucks. It takes more than a shaken booty to create an outstanding music video.

I'm no fan of country music or even of Taylor Swift or even her video. But at least she was graceful. Or at least as graceful as one can be under the circumstances.

At first it seemed like a joke as you mounted the stage. Maybe some kind surprise for the audience. But it turns out the only joke here is you, Mr. West. Because you have no personal decency, you destroy the dreams in a young girl's heart, you have the taste of a preteen boy and have more ego than you can possibly fit inside you head, you are an epic douchebag.

You won yourself an award out of this one, West. You get a nomination for the 2009 Douchies.